The week between Christmas and New Years is ripe with potential. It is a portal flavored with the magic of a new beginning — when I wake up tomorrow morning, anything is possible. It is the one week of the year that I find myself shutting down the chatter from the world around me in order to increase the volume on my inner guide. I take the new year seriously – I am superstitious that my New Year’s Eve will set the tone for the year ahead and I always make sure to start working on a vision board in the weeks approaching January 1. God forbid I don’t dream up my biggest vision for the next year. I wonder what would happen if instead, I just let life happen?
Last week, I shared about my practice of yearly intention setting which is driven by the feeling you’d like to embody or energy essence you are calling in for the new year. It’s a practice that includes a broader, more abstract vision and places less attention on actionable steps to implement. Of course, I encourage thinking about things you are curious about, what you’d like to learn, and jotting down a few things you’d like to experience but I don’t like to focus on the achievement of those things and attaching that to the success of a year. While this is the process I shared, I wasn’t completely honest about my personal process.
As much as I want to stick to my broad intentions and be open to wherever the wind might blow me, I will almost always have a laundry list of expectations for myself and the way life will unfold in the year (and lifetime) ahead.
At the beginning of the year, I gently whisper to myself, “this will be the year…”
The year that I finally meet the partner I have been dreaming of. The year that I suddenly figure out how to support myself without the help of my parents. The year that I finally have clarity on what I want to do in this lifetime. The year that I go viral. The year that I get all of the things that I think are going to make me happy.
I set out expectations for myself and for my life. I think, ok I am going to be 26 this year, this I what I should have accomplished by now. I tuck the list in the back of my journal and hope that my good heart and commitment to my practices will be enough to bring everything to fruition. I don’t advertise these expectations. Just like a birthday wish, I keep them to myself with superstition that if I claim them to the universe, they will be taken away. Or better yet, if I want them too badly, they will never come.
Year after year of thinking, this is the year and it almost never is.
Some things come, and others things don’t.
Sometimes they come for a moment and even when they do, I am left dreaming up more things that could make me happier. More expectation. More yearning for something outside of myself to mend the subtle longing I have felt within my heart for all of my life.
I know none of it will actually make me happy. At least not in a way that is long lasting. There is always more – to do, to be had, to experience, to attain. The more I attach myself to the expectations of these things coming and leading to a lifelong satisfaction of life, the more I attach myself to an illusion that will never come true. And to be completely honest, the more I attach myself to unrealistic expectations about how I should live my life.
I don’t think it’s wrong to have expectations. In fact, I think it’s normal. And if you’re someone who is somehow able to not have expectations for yourself, others, or how life is supposed to go, please reach out to me because I’d love to understand what that’s like. I’ve learned that there will always be expectations. I will always hope for that magic in life – for things to be different, for the kismet meeting, for life to prove to me that magic can be found anywhere. But when I attach myself (and my worth) to the expectations of things being a certain way, that is when I most likely experience suffering. When I set out my vision for the new year and think about all of the possible outcomes and things that I could experience and see one being better than the other, I am setting myself up for disappointment. That is where I return to my approach on setting intentions.
When I am able to return to the anchor of my intention, I am able to see the other outcomes as detours rather than failures. I am able to give myself grace for choosing something different than the plan I had set out for myself instead of holding myself to the expectation that this thing must be done at all costs. I’ve learned that I don’t always know what is best for me. Sometimes, the things I want or want to do or want to experience are purely out of the story of how I think my life should be. And sometimes the things I want aren’t meant to come into my life right now – I have more to learn, more to experience, or simply do not have the space to fully enjoy it in the now.
So with the hope to inspire your practice of visioning for the year ahead, here are all of the things I did NOT do in 2023:
(that I fully expected, wanted, and thought would finally happen)
1. Start a podcast
I have been saying for years that I wanted to start a podcast. This year, I was diligent about it. I got the microphone, I brainstormed all of the episodes, I sat in my closet for hours trying to record episodes. I did all of the things and yet, never ended up launching it. I never fully felt inspired to work on this project, my mic stopped working halfway through the year, and it just never felt right. Each time I went to work on the podcast, I was approaching it with the energy of “I should be doing this” rather than “I want to be doing this.” So I let it go. I think in my head, a podcast makes sense for me. I like to talk ramble and it seems like a natural progression of my brand and yet, it hasn’t stuck. So instead of forcing myself to do something because I think I am supposed to I focused on projects that did feel inspiring like my Substack and Intention Setting Guide and hosting IRL events.
2. Get a boyfriend
I’m not sure if you knew me in 2022 but if you did, you’d know that it was a year FILLED with dating. It was fun and flirty and expansive. I met some incredible humans and have so many sweet memories from that year. By the end of 2022, I was burnt out from the endless thread of first dates that usually led to a few cute dates and nothing more. I’ve spent the majority of my life single (which honestly I think I love a little too much) and the whole “get a boyfriend” thing is always on my yearly expectations list but this year I felt confident I knew what I was looking for and would somehow find it. The first half of the year was me being in denial about wanting to move to New York and the second half was me acclimating to a more settled life after three years of living nomadically. Needless to say, I hardly had the mental capacity to tend to myself this year let alone invite in ~the partner of my DReaMssssss~ 🫠
3. Finally go viral, get thousands of subcribers/followers, etc.
No matter how much I remind myself in the beauty of slow growth, there is still a small part of me that craves the satisfaction and validation of increasing numbers. I rarely look at the analytics but I see the notifications pop up or emails slide into my inbox and feel the hands of external validation gently pat me on the back with every uptick in the numbers. One time in 2020, I went viral for a Tiktok I made about seeing spirits at night. It was silly and meant very little and had nothing to do with my offerings at the time but I grew to over 7000 followers nearly overnight. To keep up with the pace, I quickly burned myself out and realized the satisfaction of higher numbers means very little when those people aren’t interested in engaging with your work in a meaningful way or sticking around any longer than your 15 seconds of fame. I loved this perspective by
–4. Continue to study Buddhism
In 2022 and early 2023, I dove deep into the study and practice of Buddhism. I did over 240 hours of meditation teacher training, attended various courses and classes, went on my first silent retreat, and wrote about the things I was learning. I fell hard – for the practices and for the community. In a few short months of living in New Year and practicing with my newly acquainted sangha, I forged deeper friendships than I thought was possible. For the first time in my life, I found a lane of study that excited me, made sense, and added immense value to my life.
It was good and I kept doing the next [course, workshop, training, retreat] until I started to burn out. I found myself falling into a pattern of perfectionism – I should do the next thing, I need to be the best, I need to go above and beyond so that I am worth something in this community. Rather than continuing my study and involvement in the community because I wanted to, I was pushing forward because I felt like I should. So, I stepped back from all of my responsibilities and obligations to the community. I felt a lot of guilt and still grapple with feelings of belonging, not understanding why I stopped wanting it and everyone else still does, and feeling like I’m doing something wrong when in reality, I just wanted more space and time to live my life and not constantly be tied to my internal expectations of perfection.
5. Make six figures with my business.
I had big plans for 2023. I was going to start teaching meditation, coach budding practitioners, and become the writer I had always dreamed of. I thought it was all going to happen over night. I had the branding, the ideas, the Notion templates drafted out. I felt like it was finally the year to become the teacher and I was ready with a newly printed graduation certificated from my 200+ hours of meditation teacher training. For the first few months of the year, I rode on the wave of momentum from months of training. I wrote out a budget and configured the amount of clients I’d need to reach my desired income. I hosted workshops and classes and started to publish consistently. Some of it, like the writing, stuck but most of it fell off after a few weeks.
I didn’t plan to spend the majority of the year feeling uninspired and unmotivated with little desire to do any of the plans I had set out for my business. Looking back, one of the biggest realizations of the year is that I am not ready to be the teacher. I’m 25 and want to experience, explore, grow, learn, and live my life. While I think the role of the teacher will always be an archetype within me, I am no longer rushing my personal and professional evolution. I am not in a rush to become the Elizabeth Gilbert/Brené Brown archetype – let me get a couple more decades of experience under my belt first.
None of those things happened and yet so much did.
I look back on 2023 with so much pride for how I navigated the year. Instead of holding on to the vision I created for myself with tight knuckles, I gave the vision room to breathe. I gave myself permission to change my mind, shift my focus, and prioritize different things as the year progressed. I might have not started my podcast, gotten a boyfriend, or made six figures this year but I did start getting paid for my writing. I moved to Brooklyn after three years of attaching myself to the identity of nomad. I found a mentor. I took my Mom to her first music festival. I stayed committed to my practice of meditation. I started working out again. I nurtured new and old friendships, deepening my interpersonal relationships in a way that feels nourishing instead of spreading myself thin like I often do. I let go of romantic partnerships that made me question my worth. I said no to commitments that no longer felt supportive. I gave myself permission to not be the best version of myself. I let myself unravel. I saw some of my favorite musicians in concert. I took (more than a few) breaks from Instagram. I stopped saying yes to every single opportunity presented to me. I got my priorities straight (at least for a little while).
And most importantly, throughout the entire year, I continued to check in with myself. I took time each day to see what was working, what needed to change, and how I could better show up for myself. This year, I started to unravel the expectations I place upon myself. I began the process of knowing myself beyond the curated, perfected, ideal version of myself. I took a hard look in the mirror when I was at the depths of my healing and said, I love you just as you are.
Maybe next year will be the year…
And maybe not.
I think I will always have expectations for the year ahead. These expectations are often informed by my prior experience and years of conditioning telling me what I should want in my life the things that mark success in the unfolding of my life. I like to name these things because they make me feel more human and they remind me to keep checking in with myself. What is the reality of my life right now, is this really want I want? Or just what I think I should want? What approach feels a little more spacious? How can I name the expectations without tying my worth to the accomplishment of those expectations? Basically, how can I set myself up for less disappointment and a greater capacity to take life as it comes and let myself change along the way?
I hope you take the time to dream the biggest dreams for the year ahead and within that, I hope you are able to see that just because that dream is possible, does not mean that it needs to happen immediately. Continue reaching into the depths of limitless potential and remember that if it is meant for you, it will come. You don’t need to earn it or prove your worth to obtain it – there is nothing that is for you that will miss you. Let your vision inspire you and allow it to guide you forward and back in line with yourself. Maybe this next year will be the year that everything comes to fruition and maybe this next year will simply be the year that you find acceptance for yourself and your life, as is.
And to keep this conversation going, comment down below.
What are you most proud of in 2023?
What is your biggest vision for the year ahead?
Are you superstitious on New Years? What traditions do you have to ring in the new year? How do you like to welcome in a new beginning?
More strength to you for 2024, and 2025, and everything before and after..
The more we focus on the numbers, we tend to forget on what happens between those numbers, that's my take on the new years resolutions and whatnot.. I made the resolution to run 2023KMs in 2023, but didn't even make 1000K.. So, my year has gone down the drain on that front.. But it went up in other fronts, so all is not lost..
The arc doesn't stop with the numbers, may your arc point upwards..
What a great post!! I'm so proud of you and your writing ability. I feel sure there will be future writing opportunities for you. In the meantime try to live your life "One Day at a Time." Love you.