Finding Satisfaction in Slow Growth
Validation outside of the numerical metrics of success on Substack and in life
To listen while you read…
I have been writing on Substack for almost a year and a half and only in the past month or so have I started to see (or feel) any substantial growth. For the first year…maybe even a little longer, I felt like I was writing into the ether. I saw hardly any engagement or growth or feedback or acknowledgment that I existed within this ecosystem. I started publishing weekly earlier this year and still nothing. I saw peers growing in engagement and in numbers and I felt like the little girl running to try and catch up to her friends screaming, “hey, wait for me!”
To give you an even greater context, I have had my email list since August 2017. That’s about five years. Five years of newsletters, lead magnets, moving from Mailchimp to Flodesk to blog posts to essays. Five years of trial and error. Five years of many, horrendously designed emails and five years of emails that I hold close to my heart yet hardly got any views. Five years of showing up (sorta) consistently and you want to know what I have to show for that? 347 subscribers.
To some, you might see that number and see an entire theatre filled with people. But to others, especially those in marketing, that’s not good. And I am a little nervous (embarrassed?? ashamed???) to tell you this number but I am so grateful for that number. And for the 100+ new subscribers that have come in over the past few months. It might be a small number, especially after being in the game for five years, but it has given me so much more than thousands of subscribers ever could have.
To be completely honest, I don’t know why I’ve stuck to writing all these years with hardly any growth in the numbers. Maybe it’s the “naval gazing” or the knowing deep down that I write more for me than for the numbers, but it is sometimes baffling that I continue to show up. I don’t just show up for myself, though. I show up for the slow growth – for the people who looked forward to my email every week, even if it it just my Mom, Dad, Grandma, and best friend the majority of the time. I show up for the people who stumble upon my email list and find themselves receiving the exact confirmation, reflection, or resource that they were needing. I show up for the version of me who needs what I am writing and sharing with the world. I show up for the thousands (millions?) of people I have yet to reach because I know every time I show up, I am getting that much better. I am refining my style, tone of voice, design, structure, understanding of my offering.
I am not the same person I was when I started Naturally Nicoletta. I am not the same person I was when I started writing on Substack and yet, I would not be who I am today without that consistent practice of showing up.
It’s hard at first, and for a while after that – to show up even when you don’t think you are making a difference. And this doesn’t just apply to writing, it can apply to all of life — how do you know when to keep going? How do you keep going even when you don’t know if you’re good, if it’s worth it, or if you are going to “succeed” one day? How do you keep moving forward when you aren’t getting the validation you think is going to solidify your path?
The truth is, you must have an unwavering amount of faith and trust in your own vision.
Even when you cannot see the growth, or progress, or confirmation from something outside of yourself that what you are doing is the “right thing,” you must believe in yourself. Believe in your art. Believe in the medicine you bring to this world. Believe in your own inherent talent and trust that as long as you keep showing up, the people will come.
And on those days when it feels hard to blindly trust the fate of your vision for this life, you must return to your WHY. Why are you here? Why are you doing this? What’s in it for you? Would you still do it even if no one ever saw? (If this answer is yes, I think you are on the right track)
When I return to my why, I return to the younger version of me who so badly needed the words I share with the world. I see the eyes of the me who stared in the mirror for hours wondering why she always felt so different from everyone else. I come back to the version of me who started this venture to not only connect to herself but hopefully inspire others to do the same. I arrive at a vision of a world where everyone feels safe and supported enough in their life to show up fully as themselves. I return to my why and it doesn’t matter if no one sees – I feel the fire within my chest remind me that this why is so powerful and there’s no way it won’t spread like wildfire. With that unwavering trust, nothing can stop me.
With the trust in myself, I am able to see the gift of slow growth. I see it as an opportunity to learn, experiment, explore, and refine. I don’t feel pressured to have it all figured out. With fewer eyes on my work, I am able to make mistakes. I am able to change my cadence and adjust my lens of focus.
If you’ve been with me over the past five years, you know I have danced from astrology to travel to cooking to mental health to spirituality to Buddhism to wherever we have landed now. If I had gone viral in 2018, growing overnight to hundreds of thousands of followers and subscribers, I don’t know if that would have been the same case. I might have felt locked in, stuck, or tied to a specific niche. I ask myself, if I had that rapid growth, would I have been able to sustain it? Or would I have burned out from the pressure?
Because I have not been able to use the numbers of subscribers, revenue, or followers as a barometer of success (or that what I am doing is worth something in this world), I have had to pay close attention to the affirmation that I do receive. I save every single comment, reply, or love note I get. I read the notes of “I cried while reading this because I felt so seen” and “I had the courage to move to Hawaii because of you” and “Nikki, keep doing what you are doing. It is bringing so much good into the world.” I read them over and over and over again and keep them on my desktop to read anytime I forget my why.
The love notes may not hold the same weight of a Substack Featured Publication Badge or a book deal or whatever other thing you think dictates a worthy writer but for me, they are a reminder that I have made an impact. And for me, if I only impact one person and plant a seed in their mind to question the way they are living their life and inspire them that it could be even better, my work is done. I have told myself since I started this journey, I would rather make a deeper, more profound impact on fewer people if that means I am able to live and create in a way that maintains integrity and my own practice. I’d rather be a no one in the grand scheme of things if that means positively impacting just one person with the things I share with the world.
(Not gonna lie…I still have a vision of myself to be like Brene Brown or Julia Cameron one day………………………….…….but that is a conversation for another day)
Slow growth is not often celebrated in this world filled with instant gratification but it it just as valid as any other growth. And to further the conversation, what if growth wasn’t the only metric for success? What if right now is not your moment to be in front of the spotlight? What if right now is the time to focus on your craft, behind the scenes? Or what if right now is the time to slowly build the community of people who want to stick around for the entirety of your career, not just the moments where you are relevant to a wider audience?
And for those who are simply unsure of the path ahead of them, what if there is never truly a clear path? What if you simply have to trust that it is all unfolding perfectly – and the unfolding doesn’t need to be neat, or pretty, or make sense, but it is perfect for you?
I return to this statement time after time again in my writing because I find myself clinging to the idea, “if I could just change thing one thing, then I would be satisfied,” but what if it all was perfect? The key to finding satisfaction in slow growth is finding satisfaction in the reality in front of you. It’s about being content with how things are, grateful for the rate of growth (in terms of learning, and not always numerical), while holding the vision of your Work with unwavering faith that it will reach who it’s meant to reach at the exact moment it is meant to reach them. You must believe in the magic of your own essence, and the awareness that no one in this world can do what you do in the way that you do it. No matter how many other writers are on Substack, no one will ever be you. Nor will anyone ever be me.
There will never be another you, so own who you are. Own what you bring to the world. Show up without apology and say,
“Hello world, this is me, I am not hiding anymore. You can give me the external validation, that’s nice, but I don’t need it. I’m hot and I’m going to enjoy the journey and pleasures of life and I’m going to share the gifts I came here with and I’m not going to worry too much about being perfect because that’s boring and honestly a waste of time. Thanks for listening, I can’t wait to meet the people I am meant to meet!”
And to you, I say, I am so glad you are here. Thank you for reading my words. Thank you for showing up for yourself, and for me, and for every other person that this impact ripples out to. I cannot wait to see what you are bringing into the world. There’s no one who can do it like you.
In effort to continue exploring my relationship with being online and being curious about what life would look/feel like without all the chatter, I am going to be taking a break from the social media for the season of winter. To keep up with me and my work both on and offline, subscribe to The Process.
In addition, I will be paywalling all posts. So posts like this one, or recent posts like:
- To Stay or Not to Stay on Instagram
- In Anticipation of Winter
- Walking Courageously Towards My Shadow
I am taking a…social media hiberation persay…I’ll still be writing and publishing and sharing things but I want to limit access and create a more intimate, sacred container for myself, my community, and my creative practice. From now until December 21, I am offering 20% off (forever!) of a paid subscription to The Process.
Thank you for being here with me.
And to keep this conversation going, comment down below.
Have you experience resistance to slow growth? What other metrics do you use to value success, if not growth or external validation?
How do you like to be appreciated? What is your favorite form of validation?
Claim who you are, share your gifts, and write in the comments what your vision for the world (or your art, or your work, or your life) is 💫 Speak it into existence, babyyyyyyy
I could have restacked this entire post! I think the reality is most things are “slow” which really makes them the normal pace.
Thank you for writing this. Thank you for being you.