Moving Towards The Resistance
On when to stay and when to let go
After a solid six months of convincing myself I was giving up writing for good, it is refreshing to feel the desire to create something again. The kind of refreshing that satiates your thirst like a sweet, sparkling beverage on a hot, steamy, summer day (see the end of this newsletter for my latest hyper-fixation) or the first ocean dip of the season. It is jolting to the system at first and then you can’t get enough of it.
It is the beginning of summer, temperatures are up into the triple digits, and just two days ago I was writing a draft of this newsletter to you that I thought would be my last. It’s been nearly two months of giving myself permission to step away from my writing practice and I have to admit that it has felt good.
It has felt like a relief to let myself enjoy the experience of my life without feeling like I needed to capture every moment into a witty note or photo dump or meaningful essay. While so much of my process is supported by the practice of writing, it was freeing to remind myself that I am allowed to simply show up and experience my life without adding pressure to make sense of it in a timely manner.
I wish that I could tell you that after taking two months off, I feel refreshed and ready to return to the practice but that’s not the case. As with most things in life, it feels easier to step away from the resistance than to actually work through it.
So there comes a decision I have to make – do I move towards the resistance or away from it?
I am often of the path of least resistance mindset but it is important to understand when your growth requires friction. Last week, when I was journaling about the resistance I was feeling towards my newsletter, I spent three pages whining about the stories I was telling myself about the resistance: I’m not good enough, everyone is better than me, no one cares what I have to say, I should just give up before I waste more time on this. But then I asked myself, if you feel so strongly that you should let this thing go, why haven’t you already?
Clear as day the answer came in: I don’t want to.
I settled on the conclusion that I believe in the process. I believe in the things I am sharing. I believe in the impact my voice has. I may be going through an existential crisis about how I want to share and what exactly I have to say but that is a part of the process. That is the exact messy, real, and raw part of the process that I want to share with my audience.
At the end of the day, even though it feels like moving through mud to get this newsletter out to you, I want to stick with it. I want to move towards the resistance because I believe that working through it will unlock the learnings needed to get to the next season of my process.
It is your work to decide when to stay and when to let go.
When I feel resistant to something in my life, especially when it is somewhere I once felt ease, I stay curious. I use the resistance as information to learn more about what needs are not being met, what stories I am telling myself about this situation, and what I truly want to do moving forward. I don’t always immediately jump to action when I get the insight that something might be timing out of my life. I stay curious. I gather information. I notice how I’m feeling. I pay attention where else my attention is being pulled. I’ve learned that sometimes I just want to give up on a project when I’m feeling tired or frustrated and what I actually just need a break. But sometimes you take a break and the feeling that something isn’t working persists and that information tells you that it may be time to move on to something new.
Resistance is never comfortable but often can be our greatest teacher and key to unlocking the next stage in your process. Just like when you are riding a bike, you need the tension on the gears to get you over the hill. How can you use resistance to propel you into a greater life than you thought was possible?
If you are unsure of whether or not it is time to move on, here are ten questions I ask myself to orient away from the stories I am telling myself about the resistance and towards the insights of this resistance:
꩜ What is it that I am feeling resistant towards?
꩜ What is it that I am really feeling resistant towards? What feelings, emotions, stories are coming up for me?
꩜ What information is this resistance telling me? About myself, about a situation, about the world?
꩜ How would I rather be spending my energy, if not on this?
꩜ How would my life be impacted if I let go of this thing? What would I lose? What would I gain?
꩜ What option feels expansive and inspiring? And if you can’t answer that, what are you most curious about in this season of your life? Where would you rather be focusing your attention?
꩜ What decision would take me closer towards the life of my dreams?
꩜ How can I approach this situation from a different perspective? Is there something you can do to unlock more ease and excitement about the thing you are feeling resistant towards?
꩜ Am I ready to accept what it means to truly let go?
꩜ If not, what needs to change in order for me to find a bit of ease?
This summer I want to return to what inspires me – to what feels fun and exciting.
I want to create for the pure pleasure of creating. I want to share simply for the joy of sharing something beautiful, not to accumulate hundreds of likes and eyeballs on the things I am sharing. I want to be inspired by the life I am living and let that be the vessel that fuels my art. I want to play and find the spark that first brought me to the practice. I want to return to the things that create excitement in my soul. I do not want to move forward if moving forward means doing things because I think I should or doing things the way that others are doing them. If I am going to move past this resistance, it means doing things my way and giving myself permission for that way to be messy and honest and raw, just the way I want my life to be.
It takes courage to walk away from something that is no longer working in your life but it also takes courage to decide to work through the resistance and stay even when things get tough. There is no right or wrong decision, only the one that will be most supportive to you in this season of your life. Be kind and gentle with yourself. And always remember, invite joy into the spaces where resistance lives and see how that can transform it.
Until next time, my friend.
A FRAMEWORK FOR FEELING STUCK: Here’s the framework I used to get myself out of the spiral of overthinking, avoidance, and perfectionism that led me to write five drafts of this newsletter. I knew I wanted to write but I wasn’t clear on what exactly I wanted to say. I knew I wanted to move forward but I wasn’t sure how. So I got curious, I got clear on what wasn’t working, I took time away to get out of my “should” brain, and then I tried approaching things in a new way, with more joy, and with tiny action steps that helped me to get to the place where I should press send. If you’re stuck in a state of freeze, start with small, actionable steps that lead you in the direction of your desired outcome.
SUMMER BUCKET LIST: A low effort way to make sure I don’t spend my entire summer scrolling on my phone trying to plan the perfect summer. Some items include: riding the Coney Island ferris wheel, finding a hidden swimming hole upstate, having an ice cream sundae party, and saying yes to any opportunity to dance. What’s on your summer bucket list?
COMING OUT OF MY SOCIAL HIBERNATION: One of the biggest points of tension I have been feeling with my newsletter is feeling little desire to write about myself. I originally started this newsletter to write about my process in order to inspire yours but I want to expand on that idea to provide even more insights and perspectives on the process. This summer, I’ll be interviewing some of the people in my life that I admire most about their process. In The Process is coming soon 👀
HOMEMADE SYRUPS: When it’s this hot outside, I need more than water to quench my thirst. Lately, I have been loving adding homemade fruit syrups and citrus to sparkling water to create the most refreshing iced bevy. Simply add desired fruit to a sauce pan with a touch of water and sweeter of your choice, simmer for 15 min, and then strain. I’ve made a strawberry syrup that I add with lemon juice for a strawberry lemonade, elderberry syrup and seltzer for a boost to my immune system, and cherry syrup with lime juice for the ultimate limeade.
TICKLING MY EARS: Summer is my favorite season for music and I have not been able to turn off:
STUDYING: When the Chani app tells me there’s supportive energy in my 9th house, which is all about studying and foreign travel, I take it seriously. I didn’t love school but I love learning. I am currently planning out my curriculum for the summer and fall and I think it’ll include: an essay writing masterclass, spanish classes, and maybe a fun class from the Strother School of Radical Attention (courses on flirting, pop fandoms, and peacemaking?! Sign me up.)
YEARNING AS A SYMPTOM OF ABUNDANCE: I am in the practice of wanting more, for myself, from others, from the experience of my life. While I am grateful to be content with the way things are, I am constantly stretching the muscle to dream of more for myself. Not in the unnecessary, mindless accumulation of things but in the way that sees everyday as an opportunity to experience more of this human experience. I loved this read,
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ALSO ON RESISTANCE:
and I must be on some similar wavelength because I opened my inbox, right before this newsletter was scheduled to be sent, and I saw her latest piece on overwhelm and resistance and I thought it would be the perfect compliment for this.
CURRENTLY READING:
If you liked this, you might also enjoy:
Just Another Email in Your Inbox
The Art of Saying No
Falling Away from Your Practices
Everything in The Process is a real-time snippet into my internal world – how I process experiences and emotions, the tools and practices I use, and the perspectives that help me to see the beauty in the experience of “doing the work”. I share the inner workings of my own mind in order to, hopefully, inspire your own process and guide you to feel more connected to yourself and the life you are living. Thank you so much for being here and allowing me inside of your process. Read all past editions here.
We are definitely on the same boat haha. Is interesting how the fact that we loved something isn’t sometimes enough if the world don’t say something back. I love your conclusion because it's same as me: It is your work to decide when to stay and when to let go. 💗
Holy SHIT did I need to hear this today. I love your brain so much. Thank you for sharing your process it truly makes me feel so much less alone 🥰